What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 01:17
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why is Donald Trump criticized by so many people?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
How can MeTV Toons compete with other national broadcast TV networks?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why do most people care so much about what others think? Are they afraid of society norms?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She married twice! .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why do men like low maintenance women?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What is the best sex you have ever had (in detail)?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was 9 years of age.
What is the best case of “You just picked a fight with the wrong person” that you've witnessed?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im still living with it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
GM has another affordable EV in the works and it’s not the next-gen Chevy Bolt - Electrek
I said to her
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Do older women know what they want?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
So, i spoilt her more .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were not on the streets..
And i lived it daily.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i do to all so called friends.?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I write beautiful poetry .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot live in the past .
She wouldn,t have been !
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is soul school!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He knew the spot.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So whats the point in blame.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
It was going to be , some day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We all went to grammer schools
When she asked me how she looked .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He resisted the act ,that day.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I have no regrets .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
(And it was in our own minds.)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ive learnt so much.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Would this be the day?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My family never makes their pension either.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it wasn’t much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Who then, do I blame.?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was very sick at this time too.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I don,t even have a pension.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I will be 64.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I think the readers, may guess!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But, we were locked up after school.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What did i know ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She found it foreign!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She was in good health!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I waited trembling.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
All the time i was locked up.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.